


Where Have All the Good Men Gone and Where are All the Gods?

by ExcitedTree



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)
Genre: Breaking the Jedi Code (Star Wars), Cal is dreamy okay, Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Jedi Can Form Attachments (Star Wars), Other, Reader is gender neutral, Rescue, he attacc and he protecc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:01:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29915901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExcitedTree/pseuds/ExcitedTree
Summary: You're on the hunt for treasure. Everything is going swimmingly, except for the part where you almost die. If only there were someone out there...who specializes in hunting down stuff...in extremely dangerous places...all the time...and looks pretty while doing it...You need a hero.
Relationships: Cal Kestis/Reader, Cal Kestis/You
Kudos: 11





	Where Have All the Good Men Gone and Where are All the Gods?

_To Eight-Ai Caverns you may be bound,  
In search of fortune in the ground._

_Find the dying embers of our fire  
To get your true heart’s desire._

_Seven paces West-by-North West  
Put your drill to the test._

And just like that, the words have begun to lose their meaning.

Three hours. _Three_ hours. _Three hours._

Every bone in your body aches. You never thought you’d be able to _feel_ every single muscle that binds your flesh together. Every shallow breath you take seems to grate the tissues in your lungs. The cold has overrun your body by now, and the gravity of the situation is finally starting to settle in.

Before you let yourself spiral into a panic attack, you decide to take a moment to think for the first (and possibly last) time in your life. 

_Maldo Keris. 57 miles deep. Treasure._ The rest of your thoughts aren’t exactly legible. However, you do begin to devolve into a stream of very detailed gibberish. The sounds of your incoming delirium gently echo around the icy walls enclosing you. _A perfect tomb, fitted just for you._

And so, like a toddler who has mastered the art of crawling and _only the art of crawling,_ your knees buckle and you’re suddenly on the ground. Everything hurts even more than it did before, but at least the pain jars you back into a semblance of consciousness. You sneak a peek at your temperature readings. _How in the fresh hell were you still alive? Okay. Alright._ You shut your eyes hard enough to burn. _Maldo. Fucking. Keris. That’s what killed you. At least you’d die doing what you did best…_

You snicker to yourself at that last thought. One last bold-faced lie in the face of impending doom. You _sucked_ at riddles. _Figures that one would kill you som-_

“Hey?” A mysterious voice shatters your panicked thoughts, leaving behind a trail of warm breath in its wake. 

“……Hello?” You barely manage to rasp out in reply. Worst case scenario, this is all just a part of the whole “freezing-to-death-like-an-idiot” process. The death convulsions are sure to follow any second now. 

A pair of hot leathery hands suddenly slam into your numb face. The feeling is so damn euphoric that, for a moment, you forget that you’re supposed to be dying.

“Don’t worry, I’m right here. Don’t fall asleep on me now. We’re already so close, just stay with me,” the mysterious voice croons. The hands that are pressed to your face leave you as quickly as they came, and it makes you want to die all over again. Thankfully, their absence is short-lived as you feel those same _blessed_ hands firmly gather at the sides of your hunched form instead. You feel thick wrappings begin to meticulously cover the planes of your body bit by bit.

You swear it feels like you’re getting… _swaddled? At your age? How embarrassing. No dignity even in death-_

“Save your breath, okay? This should warm you up in a tick. We’ll go back to base camp…” The voice breaks off, calmly detailing a fantasy rescue plan with warm food and drink waiting on board a lovely magical ship called, _The Mantis._ What a silly name for a ship. You decide that this is the funniest near-death hallucination you’ve ever had. 

You can feel the cozy wrappings around your body grow in layers and sheer tightness, binding you in an intoxicating warmth. Your eyes are still stubbornly shut throughout the whole process. You aren’t keen on making eye contact with the knobby white ice spider that’s wrapping you up for lunch in real life. _Yep. You’re getting all webbed up now. These warm wrappings are knobby white ice spider-web silk. The coziest way to die, or so you’ve heard. It’ll take you to its nest, liquefy your insides, feed you to its monstrous offspring, and then-_

“I promise I won’t let a knobby spider mom feed you to her hungry knobby spider babies. She’ll just have to find food elsewhere.” The mysterious voice begins to _rudely_ chuckle at your very secret inner thoughts. You change your mind. This hallucination is nasty and inconsiderate. Laughing at your misfortune like that. _Lying_ to you. In a fit of anger, you decide to open your eyes to glare at the stupid “knobby mom” spider that has you in her clutches. 

You begrudgingly acquiesce. The mom spider that is about to devour you must be a very talented weaver. Your entire face is cocooned in her thick silky wrappings, blinding you beautifully against her rows of razor sharp teeth. It’s a disturbingly sweet and welcome sensation despite your impending death. 

With those last thoughts bouncing around your head (god forbid you give that spider bitch the satisfaction of getting _any_ last words out of you), you finally close your eyes once and for all. You convince yourself that it’ll be the best sleep you’ve had in ages. The soft trill of laughter remains at the edges of your consciousness though. It seems like it’ll never leave your side.

_A lovingly rude hallucination, indeed._

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! If you haven't noticed yet, I am head over heels crushing on one (1) redhead. The riddle was based off a random treasure hunt riddle format from Sea of Thieves. Wonderful game by the way if you haven't tried it.
> 
> Anyway! The planet Maldo Keris is the very same one that Din Djarin explored. I loved the harsh icy environment and wanted to build off of it. The knobby white spiders also looked way too cool to pass up. 
> 
> Ta-ta, and thanks for reading this pure unadulterated river of self-indulgence


End file.
